Smile
by Elle6
Summary: Hermione is going blissfully through life, but when everything goes wrong she turns to her friends and revenge to get a smile back on her face. Not the usual 'happilyeverafter' story, but will be quite funny in later chapters!
1. What ja do that for

**Smile**

By Katia

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine, I'm little, don't hurt me!

Rating: T for language and adult situations

….

A/N: This story is based around Lily Allen's song 'Smile.' Go watch the video at youtube if you haven't seen it yet, it's brilliant and may help you see where I'm going with the fic a little better!

WARNING: This not you average 'happily-ever-after' fic, move on if that's all you're looking for! I love those as well, but for once I needed to write something different!

….

What ja do that for?

Hermione woke slowly and reach her arm across the bed trying to find him. He was gone, as was his usual habit, but she always checked. The sun was streaming in through the window of her small flat and she smiled into the brightness. Her life was going well. Three years out of school and after the Final Battle, she was already a Transfiguration Mistress with a job at the Ministry and she had the most wonderful boyfriend in the world.

She laughed a little. He hated the word 'boyfriend,' but what else could she call the man who she had fallen in love with and had spent the last two years with. She knew he loved her too, even if he never said it. She could see it in his eyes.

Her friends hadn't understood her decision, but in general they supported her, even if Minerva or Molly seemed to always need to whisper 'We'll be there for you when you need us' whenever she saw them. She was happy, why in the world would she need them?

She stretched and got out of bed, wandering into the kitchen to fix a pot of tea and cook up some toast. She leaned against the counter while she waited for the water to boil and looked out the window into the beautiful day. A note on the table caught her eye, so she strolled over to take a look. In his wonderfully messy penmanship he had left her a note before leaving that morning.

_Gone to Hogwarts for the day to_

_work on some research._

_Will be back for dinner_

_S_

She sighed. There was nothing on her agenda for the day, and with it being so beautiful outside and getting so close to the start of term when he would be busy again, she had hoped to spend the day with him.

Her toast popped and the tea began to whistle, so she put together her breakfast and sat down at the little table. As she munched away she thought up a brilliant plan. She would simply go to Hogwarts and surprise him with a picnic lunch! He couldn't say no to just an hour away from his research, and she so wanted to enjoy the day. Perhaps she could even pop in on Minerva and have a chat.

With that decided she cleaned up the remnants of her meal and conjured up a basket filled with all sorts of tradition picnic fare.

With a smile on her face, she apparated to the front gates of Hogwarts. The sun felt fantastic, and she wondered how many more days like this they had left in the summer before it became dreary again. It didn't matter much though. She imagined the winter together, huddled in front of a fire. If it was nasty outside, it simply meant more time together inside!

The giant squid was splashing around on the far side of the lake, and she quickly spotted the perfect place for their picnic under a small tree.

She climbed the stairs to the main entranced and made her way towards the dungeons. The coolness inside felt wonderful, but she couldn't wait to get back outside into the sun. Soon she was standing in front of his chambers door, beaming and full of excitement at her little plan. She snuck in and closed the door quietly behind her, thanking the gods above that he had charmed the wards to allow her through, with or without him.

She slunk quietly towards his brewing room and peaked in. A cauldron was steaming, but he was no where in sight. Guessing he must be in his study waiting for the potion to need his attentions again she crept back down the hall and stood outside the door. She could hear movement inside, so she knew she had finally found him.

Holding the basket in front of her and grinning like a Cheshire cat, she threw open the door.

And screamed.

He was naked…and definitely not alone.

Sitting on top of his desk, papers crumpled underneath her, was Lavender Brown with Severus pounding into her.

He looked up and froze. Lavender turned round, and seeing who was standing in the door froze as well.

Hermione turned and ran. She dropped the basket halfway out of his chambers and kept running. She ran all the way out into the beautiful day and down the front lawn. Tears began sliding down her cheeks and she cursed the beautiful weather. The moment she reached the apparition point she was gone.

….

A/N: Well, I certainly hoped you liked it, although it is different from most fics. Much more to come, no worries!! Below are the lyrics if you want to read them just to get a sense of where this is all going. Reviews are most welcome, the good, the bad, and the ugly!!

_Smile_

When you first left me I was wanting more  
But you were fuckin that girl next door, what ja do that for  
When you first left me I didn't know what to say  
I never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day

I was so lost back then  
But with a little help from my friends  
I found a light in the tunnel at the end  
Now you're calling me up on the phone  
So you can have a little whine and a moan  
And it's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry,  
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile  
At worst I feel bad for a while,  
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile

Whenever you see me you say that you want me back  
And I tell you it don't mean jack, no it don't mean jack  
I couldn't stop laughing, no I just could help myself  
See you messed up my mental health I was quite unwell


	2. Quite Unwell

**Smile**

By Katia

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine, I'm little, don't hurt me!

Rating: T for language and adult situations

….

**Quite Unwell**

She woke up in a bed that was certainly not hers. Hers was soft and cushy; this one was hard as a stone. Friendly faces surrounded her. Harry, Ron, Minerva, Molly…her head began to swim and she stopped trying to see everyone who was packed in the little room. She was just glad she couldn't see _his_ face.

"Where am I?" She asked groggily.

Harry moved closer to her and took her hand. "St. Mungo's. You apparated right outside the Leaky Cauldron and splinched off a toe. Tom found you." She could see Tom's smiling face near the back of the crowd.

Minerva came forward. "I know what happened, dear. Don't worry, he's not here and we're going to take care of you. You're just fine."

Hermione sighed and laid her head back on the pillow. A medi-witch bustled into the room and began to order people out. She checked Hermione and announced she'd be ready to leave in just a few hours. When she left only five people remained in the room, the rest banished to the hallways.

"Minerva explained what happened, Hermione. I'm so sorry," Ginny said in a soft voice.

"We all are, darling." Molly shook her head. "None of us wanted it to end this way."

"Did-Did anyone know about this, before I did?" Hermione asked.

"No." Minerva said firmly. "If I would have known, Deputy Headmaster or no I would've hexed him to Hogsmead and back."

Hermione sighed. At least it hadn't been going on around her without her knowledge.

"He was here, but we told him to leave," Ron said, looking at the floor.

"Thank you," was all she could manage.

"Hermione, you know we'll do anything for you. Anything at all, just ask." Harry had a strange look in his eyes.

"Thanks, Harry. Right now all I want is to be at home in my own bed."

"I'm sure they'll let you out soon. A splinched toe isn't a terrible injury, and considering the circumstances I'm amazed it's not worse." Molly patted Hermione's head.

….

She was released from St. Mungo's fairly quickly and was soon alone in her flat. Her first action was to change the wards to not let _him_ in, and then she collapsed in bed, sobbing.

She thought he loved her. The image of the two of them wouldn't leave her mind. She counjured up some Ben & Jerry's, her favorite muggle treat, and enjoyed the company of the only two men she wanted in her life at that moment.

The days passed and she called into work saying she was going on holiday. In truth she never left the flat, but it was the perfect excuse so she could stay in bed. She didn't feel like moving. Harry, Ron, and Ginny each came by a couple of times to try to get her out, but she wouldn't budge.

Eventually even Ben & Jerry weren't able to cheer her up. Vodka became her new best friend.

After nearly a month of this sort of behavior, Harry barged in one day and sat her down on the couch.

"You've gone mental, Mione. You've got to snap out of it. You can't let this bastard ruin your life!" She mumbled something in return, but inside she knew he was right. "You never should have been with him. He was a a bastard from the start, and he still is. I know it's hard, and it hurts and you really loved him, but you need to shake it off. You've had enough time, now get out there and show him that he doesn't mean shit to you."

Hermione took a moment to absorb his words and then sat up straight. "Revenge," she whispered.

"What?"

"I want revenge."

Harry had the strange look in his eyes again. "I was hoping you'd say something like that. Ron and I have already started planning."

….

A/N: I hope you liked it! Tell me all the nasty things you want to see happen to Snape! The next couple chapters are written, but there's always room for more wicked little pranks! Review!!


	3. A Little Help from My Friends

**Smile**

By Katia

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine, I'm little, don't hurt me!

Rating: T for language and adult situations

….

**A Little Help from My Friends**

The next day she found herself in a little café with Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Minerva. Harry had called them all together to do what they could to help her pull out of her depression.

"So, we're talking about revenge here?" Ron said, his eyes gleaming. "Revenge against that big bat? Count me in!"

"Nothing too serious," Hermione said softly. "I mean, don't hurt him or anything like that."

Harry rolled his eyes at Ron who nearly laughed. "Of course we won't hurt him, Hermione. Don't worry. Why don't you leave all of this to us? After the first step in the revenge has been completed I'll give you a pensive so you can see what happened."

Hermione shrugged. She almost regretted telling Harry she wanted revenge, but now that the boy-who-lived had started, she really couldn't see stopping him. "I'm not sure I'm going to want to see. Could you just tell me?"

"You'll want to see, Hermione. Trust me. By then, you'll be ready," Ginny said kindly.

"Go on then, Hermione. We have much to talk about and can't begin until you leave." Minerva seemed almost irritated at her, so she left the café quickly and went back to her flat to cuddle with Crookshanks in the fetal position.

….

"Well, now that she's gone I must say that I would prefer to be the first to get a little revenge on Severus, for Hermione's sake." Minerva said as Hermione turned the corner.

"Why shouldn't any of us be the first?" Ron said quickly.

"I live in the same building as he does, and therefore have the most opportunities. Not to mention that I outrank him as Headmistress, thus he will not be able to retaliate should he discover what's happened."

Harry nodded his head. "She's right. Minerva can test the waters for the rest of us. Don't worry, Ron, you'll get your shot at the bastard, just be patient."

"I want to hex him, or poison him, or…" Ron's eyes suddenly had a scary gleam in them. "Or, even better, humiliate him somehow."

"Wouldn't it be fun to feed him to the acromantulas?" Ginny said.

"Calm down everyone," Minerva interjected. "My plan is far more effective, and doesn't in any way truly jeopardize his safety. None of us wants to end up in front of a tribunal over this." The rest of the table shook their heads. "Now, listen closely…"

….

A week later, Hermione was sitting at her kitchen table watching clouds pass by out the window, when an owl suddenly flew into view. Her initial instinct was to turn away and pretend no one was home, fearing it was another letter from Severus attempting to explain his actions. Following Ginny's advice, who had suffered through many a nasty breakup, she didn't read a single one, but rather set them alight and watched them burn.

This owl was different though. As it came closer she quickly discerned that it was Hedwig, Harry's owl. She let the bird in and took the heavy package from its claws, knowing already what it must be. Feeding the bird some of the toast she'd been munching on, she read the attached letter.

_Hermione,_

_Inside you will find Mr. Potter's Pensive. As I was the first to give it a go, you will find a few of my memories within. Please return to Mr. Potter when you are through with it so we will be able to fill it again with new memories._

_All the best,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_Order of Merlin, First class_

_Transfiguration Mistress_

Hermione sighed and pulled the Pensive out of its box, not sure if she was ready for this. Hedwig rubbed her head against Hermione's hand in encouragement. She patted the bird in response and smiled a bit, watching as the bird flew out the window and back to Harry.

She picked the stone basin up off the kitchen table and brought it into the living room, placing in on a coffee table. Taking a deep breath, she allowed herself to fall through.

….

She was in Minerva's office. It looked to be late afternoon, judging from the light streaming through the windows. Minerva was looking over some sheets of parchment, making small notations with a quill. Hermione decided to sit down in a chair at the back of the room, not sure how long she was going to be here.

Suddenly, Dobby popped into the room. "Headmistress called?" He said as he bowed low.

"Yes, thank you Dobby," Minerva paused from her notes and looked up at the little elf. "I am sure that you remember a former student, a friend of Harry Potter. Miss Granger?"

"Oh, yes. Dobby like Miss Hermione very much, very much indeed," Dobby said, his eyes lighting up. "Is Miss Hermione come for a visit?"

"No, Dobby. Actually, I need you to do something for me that will help Hermione very much."

"Anything for Miss Hermione," Dobby said, looking a bit dejected, but excited nonetheless.

Minerva took a small vial from her pocket and handed it to Dobby. "Place this in Professor Snape's coffee tomorrow morning. Be certain it is his coffee, no one else's. That is very important. Do you understand, Dobby?" She looked at him sternly.

"Yes, Headmistress. Thank you, Headmistress."

"That is all Dobby," she pause. "Oh, and… Thank you."

He nodded, smiling, and popped out of the room.

Everything went blurry.

….

Suddenly Hermione was sitting back in her living room, leaning over the Pensive.

She wasn't sure what she had just seen. Certainly Minerva wouldn't poison her Deputy Headmaster! But that's what it seemed had just happened. She hadn't been able to get a good enough look at the vial to have even the slightest guess as to what it contained.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed the Daily Prophet laying on the floor beside the couch. Her apartment had become rather messy over the last few weeks. She bent over and grabbed it, scanning the front page. Surely if the Deputy Headmaster of Hogwarts had been poisoned or mysteriously fallen ill it would be in the paper, but there was no mention. Hermione let out a sigh of relief. She hated him, and yet she didn't want to see him seriously hurt.

Shaking her head, she placed the paper on the couch beside her, and leaned in to view the next memory.

….

This time she was in the Great Hall, standing behind Minerva and the center of the top table. She looked out over the room, seeing a familiar faces, but surprised at how many she didn't recognize. It had only been a couple of years, and yet Hogwarts seemed like a completely different place.

Scanning the Professor's table she noted that Severus had not yet made his appearance. Just as she remarked this she saw him stride through the main doors. He quickly seated himself, and Hermione noticed Minerva watching him closely as he ordered up coffee and toast.

Hermione's eyes became cloudy, remembering how often she had cooked his favorite breakfast in the morning. She felt as though her heart was breaking all over again, being this close to him when the last time she had seen him he'd been…

She stopped herself and tried to focus on the scene at hand. He quickly downed his coffee, making a slight face, and then practically shoved the toast down his throat.

Minerva was smiling, but turned and began a conversation with Filius.

The scene became blurry again.

….

She was intrigued now. He obviously hadn't fallen ill immediately, but she still couldn't even guess as to what Minerva had placed into his coffee.

The knowledge-seeking side of her personality squashing any other thoughts, she quickly leaned back in towards the Pensive.

….

She was back in Minerva's office. It looked very similar to her last visit, except perhaps different papers on the desk. Hermione hardly had time to look around before the fireplace suddenly was lit and seconds later Severus head was floating among the flames.

He didn't look well. His face was paler than normal, and he seemed to be sweating profusely.

"Minerva. I need you to take over my class. I seem to have fallen ill." His voice was raspy.

"Whatever is the matter Severus?" Minerva said, a slight smile on her lips.

"Please, just come now," he pleaded. "My class only just started."

"Of course, Severus. I shall be right there. I just have a few things to finish up."

"Come as quickly as you can," he gasped, and then disappeared.

Minerva laughed, laughed right out loud.

Before Hermione even had time to notice the fuzziness they were both standing in the Potions classroom.

Snape was leaning heavily on his desk, staring with horror at Minerva.

"What do you mean, you think I can manage? I cannot manage!" He tried muster up his usual icy voice, but only managed to sound even more weak.

His class obviously had no idea what to do. Some looked as though they were holding back laughter, others looked petrified. She quickly noted that it was a Gryffindor and Slytherin double-potions class.

"Why don't you take some sort of stomach calming potion and continue class?" Minerva queried, the slight smile still on her lips.

"I have, Minerva. It hasn't worked, and I need to retire to my chambers _now_." He had managed a bit of icy-ness at the end of his declaration, but it was hardly the normal amount.

"What exactly is the matter, Severus. You still haven't told me." Minerva's smile became a little more obvious.

"I would prefer to keep that to myself." Was he blushing? Hermione nearly laughed!

"Really, Severus, you can hardly expect me to take over your class, when for all I know this is a simple stomach ache."

"I have _mumble…mumble…_" He looked down at the floor and was now obviously blushing.

"I am so sorry, Severus, but honestly, speak up!" Minerva was doing a very poor job of hiding her smile by this point."

"I have diarrhea," he said, quietly.

The entire classroom burst out laughing, including Hermione.

After a few moments to regain her composure, Minerva managed to say, "Well, go ahead then. Take care of your business!"

The room went blurry as he shuffled out of the room, but Hermione could still hear the laughter.

….

A/N: I'm glad this chapter is a little longer. I'm not used to writing short chapters at all!! Please keep sending in revenge ideas, and reviewing, of course!


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